Cure!

  After much long and hard research, the scientists and doctors set with the task of finding a cure have come up with a solution. Apparently, using a walrus for intense manual labor and back-breaking work unceasingly, as well as underfeeding them, can be dangerous for its health (who knew, right?). The doctors have suggested we give the walruses breaks and food regularly, allowing them time to renew and refresh. And, although we will not be taking then up on this advice, we are happy to know there is a cure for the condition Wally has been facing. All is well, and he will be back to work in the morning!

Sickness!

  Tragedy has struck us here at "Feed the Walruses in South Korea" foundation. One of our walruses, Wally, has been diagnosed with a rare disease, known as Mectin Oflazitate. It does not occur frequently, but when it does, the effects are devastating. Walruses can develop strange, erratic behavior such as hunger, fatigue, and stress. Doctors have tried to falsely diagnose this disease as 'underfeeding and overworking the walruses', but after a closer look, were able to diagnose it as Mectin Oflazitate. There is no known cure for this ailment, but a team of doctors have been charged with the task of searching day and night for a cure. We hope to keep all of you updated as events unfold.

Lookin' Sharp!

  Because the hygiene of our walruses is so important to us, on Nov. 13, we had a professional(ish) dentist come in and take a look at our walruses' teeth. He was excited to come, but upon arrival, things changed. It turns out the dentist was only knowledgeable in HUMAN dental work, and didn't know a thing about our walruses' tusks. However, we didn't want to make the visit (or the money we had spent) a total loss, so we instead had the dentist sharpen the walruses' tusks. We were happy he was able to do at least this much (because he said the deposit was non-refundable), and now our walruses here at "Save the Walruses in South Korea" foundation all look happier and healthier... actually, they mostly just look more dangerous... but, whatever...

Change of Diet

  As of late, the trainers here at "Feed the Walruses in South Korea" foundation have attempted to expand the diets of our little walrus buddies. This has not proved... successful... (to say the least), and many of our walruses are now receiving extensive medical care. These strange diet changes have included red meat, twinkies, bologna sandwiches, and other interesting ideas, putting Wally in the hospital with a severe case of Mad Walrus Disease. One trainer, Mary, even went so far as to attempt to feed her child sister to Gorilla, one of our walruses. Mary was immediately restrained, and she is currently being suspended. We can't fire her, however; we don't have even close to enough money to hire a new employee on. However, we have decided that the walruses' diet will be restricted to leafy greens and shrimp, for their own safety.

New Work Space

  For quite some time, the employees at "Feed the Walruses in South Korea" foundation have longed for better salaries, nicer executives, benefits more than just the ones required for basic human survival, and a better working environment. Although we cannot (will not) provide the first three requests on the list from our whiny employees, we have decided to get nicer, healthier, asbestos-free working quarters (mostly because OSHA won't shut up about it). So, if you wish to visit us here at "Feed the Walruses in South Korea", we are no longer using our sha- um, office building where we formerly resided.

(Previous Working Quarters)

 We have now moved to a much safer, human-friendly environment, and we are pleased to be letting OSHA know that they can get off our backs. If you wish to visit "Feed the Walruses in South Korea" now, we will be located at... well, off of some road... in South Korea... I think.

(Our new Office Building)

Sad News

   It pains us here at the "Feed the Walruses in South Korea" Foundation to know the we have lost one of  our prize employees. Walter Ninzhou, one of our walrus trainers, was found at 7:30 a.m. underneath the body of one of Wally the walrus. This made it clear to us what had happened... Walter was murdered! He was stabbed two times in the neck and the incisions were long and thick, almost as if they were fangs... or tusks... but closer inspection shows they were knives.
   After the killer stabbed Walter, he trampled Walter to death. He appeared to have used something big... like a large animal... or a steam roller! Yeah, a steam roller! that's what he used! It has been made very clear that the murder of Walter Ninzhou was an attack by- er, TOWARDS our walruses here at our local shelter! It was murder, and that's the only possible explanation. Murder. By a person. Yeah, a person.

Trip to the Museum

     Recently, the "Feed the Walruses in South Korea" foundation was able to take a trip to the "Museum of Walrus Genetic Mutation" in Budyonnovsk, Russia, using the generous funds of our loving fans. While at the museum, we saw several ways to... improve our walruses here in South Korea. They had all the latest technologies in walrus enhancements, everything from plastic surgery to walrus liposuction. It was awesome.
     They also had interesting factoids about the walrus population in modern society. Like, did you know: Tom Cruise is actually 1/8 walrus?!!! His great-grandfather was married to a walrus named Colline. Strange, but true. We were also able to take pictures while at the museum, but were unable to remove them from the premises. Apparently, the security department becomes very suspicious if you try to snap photos of personal company files. Whatever.
     Anyway, our employees had a great time, and won't hesitate to return soon... except for the fact we are no longer allowed within forty feet of the place. But I'm sure they won't even remember that a week from now... unless they kept the pictures and personal info. of our employees they took... oh, crap.

Our Family

Here, at the "Feed the Walruses in South Korea" foundation, we have a family of walruses we keep at a local zoo. Below are the pictures we have of these cute little creatures:

This is... Wally. He is a walrus, and he loves... fish and... uh... swimming, I guess. Wally is a refugee from a Nazi war camp. He lives with PTSD, and is doing quite well handling himself... now.

This is... um... Walter. He is the leader of the pack here in South Korea. He likes attention, and when you poke him, he goes into a mad rampage and attacks you and anyone else nearby. It's so cute!

This is... Gorilla. Gorilla is from South Africa and is actually 4% sea lion. She like doing tricks... for fish.

This is Lola. She is new to the herd, and she loves raw fish, especially slimy sardines! She doesn't really fit in, but she's new, so she should make friends in no time.

Welcome

Welcome to the site for the "Feed the Walruses in South Korea" Foundation. Here you'll learn the dangers of walrus malnourishment, and how you can help. Thanks for visiting!