Bling Babies!

  As the fan base here at "Feed the Walruses in South Korea" Foundation has rapidly expanded and the popularity levels MASSIVELY increased, we've decided to keep up with the times! Stay hip! Be groovy! So, as one of our attempts to "do what the cool kids are doing", we've decided to bling out our walruses! We've fitted all of our walruses' tusks with gold grills and layered them with platinum chains! They're loving their new swag, and so are our visitors! Visit numbers to our local habitat have tripled since we decked out our blubbery pals, and customers can't keep their hands off the merchandise!....... Literally. Four people were restrained just this morning for attempting theft of the walruses' jewelry. Seventeen cases just like this have been described in the last week. One man went so far as to try and remove Gorilla's tusks to get a hold of her "Killer Walruz" plated grills. Due to these.... Unfortunate occurrences, we will now be blinging our habitats, too..... With electric fencing and trenches. Yeah, good luck now, you greedy pigs.

Birthday Bashing!

  On July 31st, our family celebrated the birthday of Walter, leader of our walrus pack here in South Korea! We don't have an exact date for his birthday, but July 31st was the day we smuggled- I mean brought (I always get those two words confused) Walter into our shelter and into our hearts! Ever since he's just been a bundle of joy!... And tusks and fat.... But mostly joy! The party was a blast! The celebration was complete with balloons, a clown, and party games like pin the tail on the donkey!
  It was only later that we realized Walter is a walrus, and as we all know, walruses are deathly afraid of clowns. Walter immediately began to breakdown, and withing moments, was atop the clown, bellowing loudly and rearing on his hind flippers! After five minutes of continuous bellowing and trampling, the trainers were finally able to remove Walter from on top of Honker, the clown. Honker suffered severe blunt force trauma, as well as a crushed pelvis and ribcage. He is expected to make a full recovery, however,but for insurance reasons, he will be buried in the South Korea National Cemetery come next Monday morning. We will all mourn Honker's passing, and his heroic deeds will not soon be forgotten. May he rest in peace.

Disaster!!!

As the walruses here at our local habitat have attempted to learn tricks to please guests and wow audiences, a horrible tragedy has struck our foundation! Many of our precious, bloated babies have been brutally injured or maimed due to accidents caused by attempting these stunts. One of our walruses, Gorilla, has lost his left front flipper to these events. But we will not lose hope! We won't give up! These walruses will learn! We will continue to strive towards absolute perfection! And if we lose some of our walruses along the way, so it must be! Such are the sacrifices of our beautiful organization! Perfection can only be achieved through sacrifice!... Not our sacrifice, but sacrifice all the same.

New Tricks

  As our walruses have grown and developed here at our local habitat, they have become bored with the mediocre, mechanical life of eating, sleeping, and creating waste. So, as a staff, we have decided to teach our walruses fun tricks that they can perform for guests! These will include simple tricks such as front flips, back flips, and jumping through hoops that have been lit on fire! If these tricks can be quickly mastered by our blubbery friends, we may even move on to more advanced tricks! We will strive to keep you updated as events unfold!

Scary Sightings

  Although everything seems fine here at the "Feed the Walruses in South Korea" foundation, everything is not as it appears. Many strange happenings have occurred here, right under the noses (or snouts) of our team members! Just yesterday, a large, 2, 000 lb. mammal with long, pointed teeth and hideous flippers was seen moving around one of the habitats of our the local shelters! After flopping around for several minutes, the large, blubbery creature began to eat the food designated for the walruses! It downed several pounds of fish before heaving its massive, ugly body into the shallow pond inside the habitat! The nasty fiend began to swim around the pond, dirtying all the water we spent countless dollars on cleaning for our walruses!
  Our employees, being both shocked and appalled by this creature, turned and ran immediately to find a manager! When a manager showed up, however, the evil creature had already made its escape, leaving behind only our own walruses. Our employees were outraged, wondering how we could let a disgusting, horrid animal like that into our shelter unnoticed! Although we were not able to prevent this break in, security measures will be taken to prevent further abuse of our facilities, and we will do all we can to keep our beautiful walruses away from such obscene monsters.

"Crying" Pups

  In an article recently posted by avid supporters of walrus babies everywhere, it was brought to readers' attention that global warming is orphaning walrus pups! And this, consequently, is starving walruses everywhere! Now, we here at the "Save the Walruses in South Korea" Foundation don't give a crap about what happens to some baby walrus's mommy, but when these walruses start going without FOOD?! Now THAT'S something we show mild interest in! We have decided that this is an unacceptable outcome, and are doing something to help!... Oh, apparently we're not... but we're gonna start right now!... Or we are when we get the money to do something! But, just so you know our stance, we find this claim completely true and unacceptable! There's evidence to prove it (we assume) and people keep telling us it's true, so it is! Now, it migt have helped if we had actually READ the article to prove it's truthfulness, but taking this action of blind obedience shows our true faith in the people telling us what to do... I mean, it shows our love for waluses! Yeah... OK...


 Here is the link to the absolutely true, incredibly heart-wrenching TRUE tale about walrus starvation.... y'know, for if you cared... because you do: "Crying' walrus pups may be orphaned thanks to global warming"